


i could never define all that you are to me

by actualtaracole (freaking_intelligent_fangirl)



Series: adventures in non-linear narratives [2]
Category: Baseball RPF
Genre: Established Relationship, M/M, Mutual Pining, Non-Linear Narrative, Oakland Athletics
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-03
Updated: 2020-02-03
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:38:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22288039
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/freaking_intelligent_fangirl/pseuds/actualtaracole
Summary: "He looks up from his phone and sees both of them staring at him with unreadable expressions. He wants to curl up under the weight of their gaze."
Relationships: Khris Davis/Matt Chapman, Khris Davis/Matt Chapman/Marcus Semien
Series: adventures in non-linear narratives [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1603984
Comments: 1
Kudos: 2





	i could never define all that you are to me

**Author's Note:**

  * For [sarcasm_and_sabres](https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcasm_and_sabres/gifts).

> This is for Corl, for telling me I should write it even though it appeals to me, a box of hammers, and maybe two other people. It's not been beta-read, but I read over it enough times that I started to hate it, so hopefully, there aren't any glaring mistakes. Please lemme know if I missed anything.

7.  
Khris and Matt had lost their tux jackets and ties hours ago, and they sway together in the center of the ballroom, Etta James crooning in the background. Matt pulls Khris closer to him and whispers something in Khris’s ear. Khris laughs loud enough that Marcus can hear him at the bar. He watches the two of them dance, alone in their own world, until he sees Matt’s hands wandering. He gestures to the bartender for another shot. He isn’t nearly drunk enough for this.

11.  
“I think we should try and find someone for Marcus,” Khris says, laying in bed in the dark. He keeps his eyes on the ceiling, instead of looking at Matty. “I just don’t want him to be lonely. He spends his whole life third-wheeling. That has to suck. But he won’t ever say anything to us. What do you think Matty?”

“Yeah. I think you’re right,” Matt says, ignoring the bile that rises his throat when he thinks about it.

“Okay. Okay good.” Khris says. “That’s good. It’ll be a good thing.” He isn’t sure who he’s trying to convince, Matty, or himself.

9.  
“Remind me again why I’m coming to the first meeting with _your_ new daughter?” Marcus asks, successfully keeping any bitterness out of his voice. Matt and Khris do that thing where they have a whole conversation in the space of a heartbeat before they turn back to him.

“Because any kid that doesn’t like you isn’t a kid we want,” says Khris. Marcus ignores the warmth blooming in his stomach when the three of them walk into the interview room together.

14.  
“Uncle Marcus I think you need a new name,” Nadira says while she waits for him to finish correcting her math homework.

“What do you mean sweetheart?”

“Well, I have other uncles, but you don’t act like either of them. You act a lot more like Daddy and Papa than you do like my other uncles. Besides,” she barrels on, ignoring Marcus’s attempt to stop her. “You aren’t related to Daddy or Papa like my other uncles are.” The little girl thinks for a second. “My Mandarin teacher taught us that in China kids call their dads Baba. Can I call you Baba?”

“You… you should talk to your dads about that Nadira,” he says gently.

“I already did! They thought it was a great idea.” She looks down at her math worksheet and squeals in delight. “Oooh! One hundred! Does that mean I can go play now?”

“Sure kiddo,” Marcus says, still trying to process their conversation. She hops off her seat and kisses him on the cheek before tearing out of the room.

“Thanks, Baba!” she calls over her shoulder, leaving a gobsmacked Marcus alone in Khris and Matt’s kitchen.

22.  
“Some people aren’t fit to call themselves fathers, and Lord knows I have met plenty of them in my line of work,” Nadira says, standing at the head of the banquet table, a vision in her sparkling white wedding dress. “But I,” she stops and sniffles; wipes her eyes with a napkin. Her wife laces their fingers together. “I was blessed enough to have the three best men I have ever met as my fathers. Papa, Daddy, Baba. I love you three more than I can ever say. Thank you, for everything.”

6.  
Matt and Khris are arguing over honeymoon destinations, and they don’t usually argue, but Marcus can feel something else brewing beneath the surface.

“What about Iceland?” he says, and they both look at him like he grew a second head.

“Iceland?” Khris asks.

“Yeah, I mean we live and work on a California coast. When was the last time any of us saw snow? It’ll be a different experience, and when you come back you’ll have an even greater appreciation for California sunshine.” He looks up from his phone and sees both of them staring at him with unreadable expressions. He wants to curl up under the weight of their gaze.

“Marcus, you’re a genius,” Matt says, a small smile on his lips.

12.  
“They look like they’re hitting it off,” Khris says.

“Yeah. Marcus seems into her.”

“I guess that means we did what we set out to do.”

“Yeah. Yeah, I guess it does.”

10.  
Their hands are… everywhere all at once. Khris whispers in his ear and Matt kisses down his neck and chest and he tries to say that he’s gonna… he’s gonna…

He wakes up.

20.  
Marcus gets his chance a week later at the monthly PTA meeting. 

“Mrs. Johnson, hi. My name is Marcus and I wanted to talk to you about your son, Aiden.”

“Why?” she asks, her nose turned up.

“Well he and Nadira are in the same freshman seminar class and she told me Aiden had been rather rude about Nadira being adopted.” The woman sniffs disdainfully.

“And why are _you_ telling me this? Shouldn’t one of her parents be talking to me?” Marcus just smiles.

“I am one of her parents. I’m her father.”

3.  
Marcus feels like he spends his life telling Chappy and Khris that they’re staring at each other, and he’s always viscerally grateful that no one ever points out how much he stares at them.

13.  
“Honestly,” Marcus says with a laugh. “Where did Khris even find you?”

“His mom and mine are old friends. We practically grew up together,” Graciela says, a smile on her face.

“How often do you let him set you up with his friends?”

“Oh never. But he never shuts up about you so I figured I’d get a free dinner and see what all the fuss was about.” 

16.  
“It’s not fair to Nadira! All we’re doing is confusing her!” Marcus shouts.

“She’s eight years old and a lot smarter than you are giving her credit for!” Khris retorts. All of the fight goes out of Marcus all at once, and he sits heavily on the sofa, his head in his hands.

“She’s started calling me her dad Khris. I’m… I love her to pieces, but I’m not her dad. You and Matt are her parents and I’m just walking all over any sense of boundaries we put in place when you and Matt adopted her.”

“Oh, Marcus,” Khris says, sitting down next to him and putting his hand on his shoulder. Marcus jerks away and stands, deliberately not looking at Khris.

“I’m just. I’m gonna go.” He says. He grabs his jacket off the back of the sofa and makes it halfway to the door before someone grabs his wrist and turns him around. Matt look at him, Khris behind him, both of them equally serious.

“Marcus,” Matt says. “Stay.”

1.  
Logically Khris knows the trade is a good thing. He hadn’t been performing as well as he should have in Milwaukee. An AL team means that he can DH and spend less time worrying about outfield throws. An AL team in his home state of California is a bonus. So he walks into the Oakland A’s home clubhouse and tries to not feel discarded.

Someone’s got Snoop Dog blasting and Khris almost laughs at the cliche. He’s greeted warmly by everyone he walks past on his way to his new locker.

“Hey. I’m Marcus,” says the man whose locker is next to his. Khris tries his hardest not to stare and is sure he fails. He’s just too pretty.

“Khris,” he says, holding his hand out for a shake. Marcus laughs at him but shakes his hand anyway.

“Nice to meet you. It’s gonna be good to have you around.” Marcus says and Khris nods, knowing exactly what he means. Marcus walks away and Khris thinks maybe getting traded wasn’t the worst thing that’s ever happened to him.

21.  
They had gotten some funny looks when they moved Nadira into her freshman dorm at Harvard. There were more than a few families in Red Sox merch who glared at them; but for the most part, they were just another family in the chaos that was orientation.

“I still can’t believe you’re going to school in Boston,” Marcus says for the umpteenth time, bringing up an old argument to distract himself from the fact that his baby girl is leaving. “It’s like you don’t respect your family legacy at all.”

“Baba I’m not in Boston. I’m in Cambridge. And they have the best family studies program in the country,” Nadira replies, the same way she always has.

“Still too close for my liking,” Matty chimes in.

“I mean come on Nadira, they advertise how close you are to Fenway!” Khris says. “It’s not too late to back out.” Nadira rolls her eyes, the script played out.

“Seriously though,” Matty says. “We’re gonna be in town for a couple of days while you get settled. If anything happens, call us. Okay?”

“I know Daddy.” They sweep her up into a hug. “I’m gonna miss you guys,” Nadira says, her voice thick.

“We’re only a phone call away. And if anything happens we’ll all be on the first flight over.” Marcus says as they separate.

“But we are so proud of you baby. You’re going to be amazing,” Khris says, wiping her tears away. Matty opens his mouth to crack a joke when someone else clears their throat. They turn to see a girl in an Athletic’s t-shirt standing in the doorway, her parents behind her, just as shocked as their daughter. Nadira throws her hands in the air.

“I change my mind. I hate all three of you.”

4.  
Marcus told Khris to tell Matt how he feels about him. He told his best friend to tell the man he loved that he loved him. He knew when he gave Khris the advice that it would work out for the two of them. And he’s happy for them he is. He doesn’t regret giving Khris that advice at all. Not even a little.

He’s always been a terrible liar.

15.  
Khris doesn’t pace. Khris doesn’t practice what he’s going to say to someone in his bathroom mirror. But, most of all, Khris doesn’t fall in love with his best friend when he’s already married.

Except he’s done all three of those things.

“Matty I… this doesn’t mean… I didn’t do anything, _we_ didn’t do anything I’d never do that to you but… this doesn’t mean anything has to change I just… I just. Matty, I just have to tell you. Ugh,” he groans in frustration and hangs his head, leaning against the sink. He takes a deep breath through his nose and starts over, still staring at the floor. “Matty. I love you but I have to tell you-”

“You’re in love with Marcus,” Matty says from behind him. Khris snaps his head up and meets his husband’s eyes in their mirror. Matty’s leaning against the doorframe, his arms crossed over his chest. “That’s what you were gonna say, right? That’s what you were going to tell me?” Khris opens his mouth, but nothing comes out. Instead, he closes his mouth and nods, looking back at the floor. Matty sighs and Khris grips the edge of the sink, screwing his eyes shut so he doesn’t start to cry. He hates himself for doing this to Matty, Nadira, and Marcus. Matty comes up behind him, wraps his arms around his waist, and rests his chin on his shoulder. Khris relishes the contact, knowing it’s the last time that Matty will ever hold him.

“Well that makes the fact that I’m in love with him too a lot less awkward,” he says. Khris freezes, his heart skipping like a broken record. He looks up and sees Matty smiling at him in the mirror.

“Really?” Khris asks. He can’t believe what he’s hearing. It’s almost too good to be true. “You aren’t just saying that?” Matty shakes his head.

“I wouldn’t lie about something like that. It wouldn’t be fair to any of us.” Khris turns around so he’s face to face with Matty and kisses him. He makes a surprised noise in the back of his throat but tightens his arms around Khris’s waist, bringing him as close as possible. Khris pulls back a fraction of an inch and Matty presses their foreheads together.

“I love you. So much.”

5.  
“Okay, okay fine,” Khris says through his laughter, tears coming out of the corners of his eyes. “Please god forget I asked.” Matt just leans back and takes a drink from his beer, looking far too smug for his own good. Khris desperately wants to kiss him. “Your turn. Any question.” Matt thinks for a second before he speaks.

“Have you ever slept with anyone on the team?” Khris almost chokes on his drink. Of all the things he had thought Matt would ask, that… was not one of them.

“Uhhh. Yeah actually,” he says. Matt leans forward, excited.

“Who?”

“Nope. That’s not the game. You asked your question, now I get to ask mine.”

“Ugh fine.”

17.  
Matt laces his fingers through Marcus’s and guides him from the hallway back to their sofa. Khris and Matt sit on the ottoman across from the sofa. Marcus is pinned to the sofa by the weight of their twin gazes on him. Khris swallows and starts talking.

“I know I said this already but. Nadira is so much smarter than we give her credit for. I think she’s smarter than we are. She came to me and Matty weeks ago asking why she had to call you her uncle when you acted more like her dad. We told her that she didn’t have to call you Uncle Marcus if she didn’t want to, but that she could call you whatever she wanted. It didn’t occur to us to run it by you first, and we’re both sorry for that.”

“But,” Matt says. “She started calling you her dad because you are, Marcus. In all the ways that matter. And if we’re being honest you have been for as long as we’ve had her. You two clicked the moment we met her and you’ve always been there for her. If you aren’t comfortable with her calling you her dad then you just say the word and we’ll talk to her.” A thousand thoughts race through Marcus’s head, and he opens his mouth to say some meaningless platitude but instead, the truth comes spilling out.

“I’m not her dad,” he whispers. “You two are. And it’s not fair to her or me for her to call me her dad when I’m not. I’m not a part of your family.” He can feel years’ worth of feelings building up behind his tongue, and he knows there’s no coming back from this. “I’m not her dad or your husband! I’m just the idiot who fell in love with his two married best friends! But the really sad part is, you two are right. I love Nadira more than I thought I could ever love another person. I love her and I love you two so I just stay here, monopolizing your time and confusing your daughter because I’m so stuck on you two that I can’t bring myself to leave even though you both keep trying to tell me to go.

“I mean for fuck’s sake, Khris, you went and found me this amazing woman and I can’t move on with her because I’d rather be here! Getting my heart broken by you two. But then the one time I try and leave, you two ask me to stay, and I did, because,” he had stood up at some point, but he collapses back onto the sofa and puts his face in his hands. Matt and Khris hadn’t moved. “Because I’m in love with you two.”

2.  
Khris bumps past him on their way out of the visitor’s clubhouse in Toronto and Marcus wants to call out to him, but he doesn’t, keeping to the unspoken rules of… whatever they have going on. He makes it back to the hotel before he notices the extra key card in his pocket.

“That was some James Bond shit,” he tells Khris later that night. Khris gives him his largest smile and Marcus feels his stomach swoop.

8.  
Marcus gives him a signed, limited edition Pansy Division vinyl for his birthday; and as he walks away Matt thinks about how easy it would have been to have fallen in love with Marcus instead of Khris.

18.  
A thick, choking silence hangs in the room for what feels like years. Marcus feels wrung out and exhausted, but he can’t bring himself to leave until he hears the rejection he knows is coming.

“Can one of you say something. Please?” his face is still in his hands and his voice cracks on the last word, but he’s too drained to care. He can feel the sofa dip on either side of him and his shoulders tense. But Khris puts his hand on the small of his back and Matt puts his hand on his knee.

“What’s that saying babe?” Matt asks.

“You mean the one about actions speaking louder than words?”

“Yeah, that one.” A seed of hope has made its way into Marcus’s stomach, but he refuses to acknowledge it. “Marcus,” Khris says. “Look at me.” Marcus has never been able to say no to Khris, and he isn’t about to stop now. He looks up at Khris but only has the briefest of moments before Khris leans forward and kisses him. It’s a short kiss, but long enough for Marcus’s brain to reboot and for all his alarms to go off. Khris is kissing him in front of his husband, and Matt isn’t doing anything, except squeezing his knee.

“Pssssst,” Matt says. “Don’t forget about me.” Khris laughs as he pulls away from Marcus, who manages to stop himself from chasing him because he can feel Matt staring at the back of his head. He turns to apologize to Matt, but before he can say anything, Matt’s kissing him too. Any coherent thought that Marcus had regained goes flying out of the window as his whole world is narrowed down to sensations.

Matt is kissing him, and his hand moves up from his knee to squeeze his thigh. Khris kisses down his neck, sucking a hickey over his pulse point and Marcus is struck with the knowledge that Khris remembers what gets him going from when they used to hook up, all those years ago. The thought makes his head spin. Matt pulls away and Marcus almost whines. But he stands up and extends his hand to Marcus.

“Come on,” he says. “We’re all too old to be hooking up on the living room sofa.”

“And I am not at all interested in having sex on the sofa our daughter does her homework on,” Khris says as he stands.

“Is Nadira…”

“Nope. She’s at her first-ever sleepover tonight. She’ll be back before ten tomorrow.” Marcus looks at both of them

“You two planned this.”

“Well yeah. Duh,” Matt says. “We didn’t plan for you to almost leave or for that devastating speech of yours.”

“But the plan was always for us to make sure you know that you are a part of this family. And that you have us, completely,” Khris says. He extends his hand out for Marcus. The enormity of the situation hits him then, the fact that he’s getting everything he ever wanted and never thought he would have. He takes both of their hands and lets them lead him upstairs.

They spend the rest of the night taking him apart so thoroughly that the tiny part of Marcus’s brain that can still form coherent thought worries he’ll never be put back together again. But when he falls asleep between them he can’t find it in himself to care.

19.  
Matty comes up behind Marcus and empties one of his beers down his shirt before smacking a kiss on his cheek. Marcus laughs and chases Matty around the sodden clubhouse, threatening him with a half-full bottle of champagne. He runs smack into Sean and Oly hoisting the Commissioner’s Trophy over their heads. Khris watches them with a smile.

“Looks like you picked a great year to retire,” Nadira says, coming to stand next to him, seeking a quiet spot in the middle of the madness, a bottle of Martinelli’s in her hand. She sounds unsure.

Khris wraps his arm around her shoulders and his daughter leans against him. She’s only a few inches shorter than he is, and already so grown up it makes his heart hurt.

“I did,” he says. “Leaving on a high note like this, it’s not something a lot of guys have the privilege of doing.” He pauses for a moment, taking in the chaos. “Besides, there’s no way I’d miss out on being the most annoying stay at home dad ever right when you start high school.” Nadira rolls her eyes in the spectacular fashion of all thirteen-year-olds, but she relaxes. He presses a kiss to the top of her head and knows he made the right decision.


End file.
